The New Era of Marriage for the Post-80s Generation

Chapter 5: A Man’s Pride

Chapter 5: A Man’s Pride When Chen Jiaojiao called me, her voice choked with emotion, I was in the company restroom, holding a breast pump and expressing milk. After about ten days of struggle, Jinjin had finally settled into a routine where she could calmly drink from a bottle all day long. During those ten days, no one suffered more than Jinjin—except, of course, my mother-in-law and me. Every day, though I couldn’t see it with my own eyes, I could almost hear Jinjin’s heart-wrenching cries ringing in my ears. It made my scalp tingle, my hands and feet go cold, and I felt as if I were sitting on pins and needles. My mother-in-law, who stayed by Jinjin’s side, witnessing and hearing it all, must have had her heart broken a thousand times over. But there was simply no other way. After all, I couldn’t very well quit my job to breastfeed and risk losing my livelihood. After all, supporting a family isn’t just a man’s responsibility. And after all, Liu Yiyang and I had agreed that once we’d waited a little longer, we would move out of that cramped home—where two opposing factions coexisted—and, most importantly, a home that didn’t belong to us. But this would require financial support and the joint efforts of both Liu Yiyang and me. The thought of divorce seems to have faded from my mind, because I long so much for a home where, once the door is shut, it’s just the three of us—Liu Yiyang, Jinjin, and me. Because once I have that, all the factors that originally led me to consider divorce will no longer exist. Chen Jiaojiao said, “Tong Jiaqian, come see me right now.” I was sitting on the toilet seat, operating the breast pump with both hands while holding the phone between my ear and shoulder. “My lunch break is almost over.” “Aren’t we sisters? I’m in the thick of it here, and you’re still worrying about your lunch break?” “Jiaojiao, don’t exaggerate, okay? We grew up right here in the heart of the capital—where’s the ‘thick of it’ supposed to be?” “Don’t play games with me. Just tell me—are you coming or not?” “Even if I do go, you’ve got to tell me where to go and what for.” “I’m at the entrance to Cui Bin’s office.” “Did you two have a fight? That doesn’t make sense. Even if you did, you wouldn’t be the one who lost.” “Tong Jiaqian, I—I—Cui Bin, he—he’s on a blind date. I came over to grab a meal with him, hoping to surprise him, but when I called, he said he was on a blind date.” After stammering out those words, Chen Jiaojiao let out a wail and burst into deafening sobs. At that, the knot in my stomach finally began to ease. That quiet guy Cui Bin had finally taken action. For five or six years now, he and I had been on either side of Chen Jiaojiao, watching over her. Five or six years—enough time for two Olympic Games to come and go—yet Chen Jiaojiao was still the same restless, slippery Chen Jiaojiao. I didn’t mind, but Cui Bin had been waiting for a proper commitment, waiting so long that several batches of flowers had already wilted. I, Tong Jiaqian, am by nature one to side with reason rather than with a relative, so I’ve advised Cui Bin more than once: “‘You may not be muscular, but at least you’re tall. Your eyes may not be big, but at least you have thick eyebrows. You may not be witty, but at least you’re sincere. Most importantly, you’re educated, responsible, and have a stable job. So why fixate on just one flower? Take a good look around—our motherland is a garden, and every flower in that garden is vibrant.’ ” Today he finally got the message. “What’s wrong with a blind date? He’s thirty years old. If he doesn’t settle down and have kids soon, his sperm quality is going to start declining.” I packed up Jinjin’s food and feeding supplies, washed my hands, and stepped out of the bathroom. “Hey, what does he think I am? Isn’t he cheating on me?” “Hey,Miss Chen Jiaojiao, what do you think he is to you, anyway? Boyfriend, friend, or just a sidekick?” “That doesn’t matter. Anyway, I’m really pissed off right now and just want to punch someone.” “Then I definitely can’t go see you. Sigh, I’ll give you a tip: go find that BMW-driving wallpaper guy. Maybe he’ll offer his neck for you to slash.” “Get lost, get lost, get lost! Seeing him would just make me even more upset. Tong Jiaqian, I really picked the wrong friends. Bye.” “Wait, wait, wait—I’m being serious here. When I have a moment, I’ll sound out Cui Bin for you to see what he’s thinking. If he’s still pining for you after his blind date, you won’t have to resort to crying, throwing a tantrum, or threatening to hang yourself. But if he really has moved on and found someone new, you’ll have to smile and see him off, wishing him happiness. After all, you’ve already monopolized so many of his best years—you’ve got to let go when you can.” My well-reasoned, heartfelt analysis earned Chen Jiaojiao a moment of deep thought and a single “Hmm.” She hung up the phone quietly, but I’d bet her mind was still in turmoil. All good things must come to an end—especially when you never even let him sit at the table, treating him like nothing more than a waiter. The new batch of ceramics Shuoyuan had just received had arrived—some twenty pieces, including vases, bowls, and tea sets, all intended for this year’s handicraft trade show. I circled them clockwise, then counterclockwise, examining them from top to bottom and inside out. Then, I gave Wei Guoning—who stood beside me, equally engrossed—a thumbs-up: “Truly extraordinary. “Look at how rich the colors are—just like a rainbow. And look at that one—the shape is so novel, it looks like a pot-bellied grasshopper.” Wei Guoning wasn’t in the mood for my metaphors. His eyebrows drooped, and his face fell: “Then why can’t we sell them?” “It comes down to those two words: too expensive.” I pursed my lips. “The other stuff we sell at least has that unique ‘Taiwanese flair’—it’s delicate, healthy, eco-friendly, and high-quality. But these bottles and jars? Well, they lack collectible value. They’re just pretty to look at; they’re not worth ten or twenty thousand. Tracy really misjudged this one.” “She’s doing this as a favor to a craft association in Taiwan. If she makes a profit, great; if not, there’s no real loss.” Wei Guoning and Tracy weren’t just a casual fling—off the bedroom floor, they’d discuss work and their pasts: “Besides, she says this promotes cultural exchange across the strait. Haha, sounds pretty noble, doesn’t it?” “If she really wanted to promote that, she’d be better off holding a free exhibition.” “You’re out of your depth here, aren’t you? With art, the more expensive it is, the more people are interested. If it were free, no one would give it a second glance. Besides, Tracy’s a businesswoman—do you really think she’s some kind of cultural ambassador?” “Well, I guess I’ll just have to pray that the people on the mainland will dig into their pockets for the sake of cross-strait friendship.” “What? Can’t you come up with any gimmicks? Our sales department has been counting on you. If we don’t make a sale, where are our commissions supposed to come from? Everyone’s counting on making a killing to have a good New Year.” “It’s always me coming up with the gimmicks while you guys pocket the money. I might as well transfer to sales myself.” “Do you think anyone can do sales? You’d get your head bashed in, get hung up on countless times a day, get accused of harassment, get kicked out of places, and have to put up with all kinds of attitudes.” “Stop, stop,” I interrupted Wei Guoning’s harrowing sales tale. “I was just joking. I still prefer dealing with the most noble, elegant, and profound words.” "It seems like everyone else’s job is a stormy storm—Wei Guoning’s sales are tough, Sun Xiaorou’s entertainment industry isn’t easy to navigate, and only I have sunny skies every day. I returned to my computer, found Cui Bin on MSN, and sent him a smiley face. Cui Bin replied quickly: “I heard you started your new job. How’s the adjustment going?” I cut straight to the chase: “I heard you’ve started going on blind dates. Are you satisfied?” “Hehe, our director set us up.” “What’s she like?” “A graduate student. Pretty delicate-looking, doesn’t say much.” “Oh? That’s a completely different style from Chen Jiaojiao.” Chen Jiaojiao was quite radiant and talked a lot. Cui Bin fell silent for a moment, probably because he’d been tapping away but couldn’t think of a single thing to say in response. After a long pause, he finally managed a smile—without a single word. “Are you satisfied?” I asked again. Since it didn’t concern me, I could afford to be completely uninhibited and just keep digging until I got an answer. “We’ll just date for now and see how it goes. My parents are really pushing me. They’re getting older and eager to see me settle down—and even more eager to hold a grandchild.” The implication in Cui Bin’s words was that his personal preferences were on the verge of yielding to his parents’ wishes. In other words, Chen Jiaojiao’s weight on the scales of his heart was becoming increasingly insignificant. “So what about Chen Jiaojiao? Are you two just going to break up like that?” The moment I sent that message, I knew I’d made a mistake. It was as if Cui Bin had just managed to pull one foot out of a swamp, and I’d told him, “You’re just going to leave it at that? Isn’t it warmer in there?” So I quickly corrected myself and added, “Breaking up might be for the best. You can’t make way for the new without letting go of the old—and the new is often better than the old.” “Haha,” Cui Bin’s wry smile was bitterer than gall: “You know our situation better than anyone. Whether we move forward, backward, or just stand still—isn’t it all up to her?” “But didn’t you make the call this time?” I had originally typed: Chen Jiaojiao came to me in tears at lunchtime; she’s really upset about your unilateral decision. But then I deleted it. Cui Bin couldn’t stand Chen Jiaojiao’s tears. Whenever she cried, he had no choice but to obey her every word and do whatever she asked. But even so, Chen Jiaojiao still wasn’t satisfied; sometimes she’d even say, “He’s just not manly enough.” “Make up your mind and live your own life. A good horse doesn’t eat the grass it has already passed.” I added another comment. “Mm, thanks.” Cui Bin was always so polite. I stared at Chen Jiaojiao’s name on MSN, thinking to myself, I’m sorry, but I really can’t let a fine young man be sacrificed for your personal greed. Anyway, you’ve got plenty of similar young men lining up to take his place—just let this dying Cui brother off the hook. I messaged Chen Jiaojiao: “Cui Bin is online.” Chen Jiaojiao, also from the computer science department, had all her assignments and papers done by “knight-in-shining-armor” types back in college. She barely scraped by on exams and was forced to change careers after graduation, relying on her charming smile and cosmopolitan style to land receptionist jobs at major companies. So most of the time, aside from maintaining her own image—and by extension, the company’s—Chen Jiaojiao could spend her time in front of the computer doing whatever she pleased. “So what if he’s online? I’m online too, aren’t I?” Chen Jiaojiao’s typing speed matched her speaking speed. “Haven’t the two of you discussed the blind date yet?” “There’s nothing to talk about. Since he won’t apologize on his own, let’s use this as an opportunity to cut ties for good. In your words, I’ll send him on his way.” Chen Jiaojiao sounded ruthless, as if she were sending Cui Bin off on a one-way trip. “Yeah, I agree. Don’t hold him back from getting married, having kids, and enjoying family happiness.” There was a long silence on Chen Jiaojiao’s end before she finally replied, “Who’s holding whom back? That remains to be seen.” This must have been a heartfelt remark she’d been sitting on for a long time, brewing it over and over. Otherwise, in that amount of time, she could have typed out a thousand words. To say that Cui Bin had held Chen Jiaojiao back wasn’t entirely without merit. Over the years, though Chen Jiaojiao had been surrounded by a constant swarm of suitors, she hadn’t gotten serious with any of them. She hadn’t been intimate with anyone, nor had she formally introduced anyone to her family and friends. So, if one were to pick the best of a bad lot, Cui Bin was undoubtedly that “best.” At the very least, Chen Jiaojiao gave her virginity to Cui Bin during her junior year of college, and rumor has it that it was Cui Bin’s first time as well. Furthermore, I, as Chen Jiaojiao’s closest friend, as well as her parents, are all aware of Cui Bin’s existence. If Cui Bin wasn’t exactly Chen Jiaojiao’s ideal partner, he was at least someone she felt would be a shame to let go. And the reason Chen Jiaojiao has been searching high and low for so many years, yet remains single, might truly be because of Cui Bin—that 1. 85-meter-tall, 70-kilogram stick figure—standing in the way of her heart. Of course, this is something Chen Jiaojiao would never admit, even if her life depended on it. When I got home that evening, I told Liu Yiyang about it. Liu Yiyang lay flat on his bed with his hands behind his head: “What exactly does Chen Jiaojiao have against Cui Bin? As far as I’m concerned, she’s nowhere near as good as he is.” “It’s not that bad. Don’t look down on her just because she said a few things you didn’t like. As the saying goes, ‘a handsome man and a beautiful woman’—and she certainly has the beauty part covered.” “A viper in a beautiful skin, all show and no substance.” “Cut it out—are you a dictionary of idioms? To put it simply, Chen Jiaojiao just wants Cui Bin to be a little richer. In her words, he needs at least one ‘piece of real estate’ he can show off. Of course, a car worth a hundred or so thousand would be even better.” “She’s something else. You’d think Cui Bin makes a decent living, but compared to her demands, he might as well be destitute.” “You’re absolutely right. Cui Bin’s parents are just ordinary workers with no family fortune. Relying solely on his salary and savings, he’d be jumping through hoops and still couldn’t meet Chen Jiaojiao’s standards. Plus, he has to support his parents on that salary.” “Sigh, Jiaqian, you really should cut ties with that Miss Jiao. You’ll end up just like her.” “What? Worried I’ll dump you for a rich guy? Don’t worry. I may love wealth, but I love you more. I’ve told you before, I’ll work hard with you and share the rewards. Besides, ‘near red, turn red’—who knows, maybe I can even set Chen Jiaojiao straight.” “How exactly do you plan to set her straight? Make her follow your example and marry into the Cui family like Cui Bin did?” “What’s wrong with that?” “You’re the one to ask. Do you think that’s a good idea?” I fell silent. I, Tong Jiaqian, am a classic case of forgetting the pain once the wound has healed. Not long ago, I was still weeping myself to sleep night after night, convinced I’d strayed down the wrong path. My living conditions felt like a living hell: my in-laws were dissatisfied, my husband didn’t love me, and my daughter didn’t bond with me. Though we lived in cramped quarters, I felt utterly alone. Eventually, I decided to embark on the rocky path of divorce—a journey where women suffer far more than men. But not long after, I was like a different person, eagerly anticipating the day when things would turn around. Without even thinking about it, I knew I still loved my husband. I couldn’t stand anyone saying a bad word about him, couldn’t stand other women coveting him, and couldn’t stand the thought of living without him. And without even thinking about it, I knew I couldn’t let my beloved Jinjin grow up without a father. Yet I am me, and Chen Jiaojiao is Chen Jiaojiao. While I’ve come to terms with the issues of love, material comforts, responsibility, and tolerance, that doesn’t mean Chen Jiaojiao has as well. If the day ever comes when Chen Jiaojiao marries into the Cui family but fails to win over the Cui elders with the same charming, ladylike demeanor she uses to please men, I truly don’t believe she’ll be able to reach my level—at least in maintaining the surface peace of a household. By then, their marriage will likely become yet another difficult situation to navigate. Liu Yiyang asked the right question: Do I really think this is a good idea? Do I really think this kind of marriage—rich in emotion but lacking in material foundations—is a good thing? My dad’s workplace has allocated housing again. This unit, renowned for its abundance of land and housing, eases my aversion to civil service jobs, “iron rice bowls,” and the nine-to-five grind every time they distribute housing. In the past, I used to say, “After finally reincarnating as a human being, why would I want to sit in an office every day, sipping tea and reading the newspaper?” But my dad couldn’t understand: “Where did you get that idea? Who said civil service jobs lack challenge? Who said civil service work is all monotonous?” “Just look at Mom. Doesn’t she spend every day recording who’s pregnant, who’s had a baby, and handing out condoms?” “Right, right, right. I’ve handed out so many, yet I somehow forgot to give you one.” That’s what my mom said. Ever since I accidentally got pregnant with Liu Yiyang’s child, she’s been regretting why she didn’t take advantage of the government’s benefits and neglected her own daughter. “Then why don’t you look at me? “When do I ever have time to sit around drinking tea and reading the paper? For most of my life, I’ve traveled to every continent except Antarctica—haven’t I?” My dad insisted on discussing this with me because, since he couldn’t have his only child carry on his legacy, he at least didn’t want me to misunderstand or look down on it. “That’s what I can’t stand the most. For me, the most important thing in life is to bring joy to my parents.” “That’s just nice talk. As far as I’m concerned, the most important thing for you is getting all lovey-dovey with Liu Yiyang.” My mom was terribly jealous of Liu Yiyang. She often said that in other families, sons marry and forget their mothers, but her own daughter was essentially being supported by the Liu family. But back to the housing allocation. My dad called me: “You and Yiyang should come over this weekend. We need to discuss this.” When I got home that evening, I told Liu Yiyang about it: “Let’s go see my parents this weekend. My dad’s company is allocating housing again.” “Are those two things related?” Liu Yiyang was at work. The worst thing about his company was that they loved making people work overtime without paying overtime wages, but the best thing was that you could work from home—eat your fill, wash up, and work while lying down or lounging around. “Which two things?” I was rubbing stretch mark cream on my belly. I’d almost finished the whole bottle, and the results weren’t very noticeable. Pregnancy and childbirth are truly something to be celebrated—they ruin the figures and skin of women who naturally love beauty, and they make women, who are already in a weaker position, stronger than men in spirit after enduring ten months of torment and a single moment of excruciating pain. It’s a shame that some men in this society actually have the nerve to shout: “What’s so great about having a baby? Doesn’t every woman give birth? It’s just the natural order of things.” Men like that deserve to be childless. “Going to my parents’ place, and the housing allocation at Dad’s workplace.” “I guess it’s about connections, because Dad said to come back and discuss it with him.” “Discuss what?” Liu Yiyang was completely absorbed in his work and didn’t give my words a second thought. “I think my dad wants to give us a hand.” I buttoned up my coat, moved closer to Liu Yiyang, linked my arm through his, and looked at him with a face full of anticipation and radiant sunshine. “How exactly?” Liu Yiyang was still distracted; he only half-listened to what I was saying. “Just so you know, what I’m about to say is purely my own analysis and speculation. If it turns out to be different from the facts, don’t be disappointed.” Then I cleared my throat and waited until Liu Yiyang’s gaze shifted from the computer screen to my face before continuing, “Maybe this time my dad won’t ask for a bigger house. After all, it’s just him and my mom living there—such a big place would be useless, and it’d be a hassle to keep up. Don’t you agree? “So, I’m guessing—maybe, probably, who knows—he might not go for a big house this time. Instead, he might settle for a small, older one to make up the difference. And maybe, probably, who knows, that small, older one might just be for us.” I spoke with such enthusiasm, as if the deal were already done, practically itching to go browse for renovation materials tomorrow. “Oh? Why do you think that?” Liu Yiyang said, his tone calm and detached, as if it had nothing to do with him. “I just feel it. He’s my dad—there’s bound to be some kind of understanding between a father and daughter, right?” My enthusiasm had been dampened by Liu Yiyang, and I was starting to lose my confidence. “Well, if it really turns out the way you say, what do you plan to do?” “What’s there to do? I’ll just kowtow to my dad three times, then we’ll move the whole family.” My spirits soared again instantly; I really wanted to dig out the moving boxes and start packing right away. “But I don’t see it that way.” Liu Yiyang ran his fingers through his hair and looked at me seriously. “Why?” I brushed Liu Yiyang’s arm away in irritation, as if I’d been locked in a dark room for ages and had finally caught a glimpse of dawn, only for Liu Yiyang to seal up that crack without a word. “I’m a man. I have my own principles and my own dignity. Yes, I can’t afford to buy a house right now, but I’d rather live with you and Jinjin in my parents’ house than have you take advantage of your parents.” “What kind of talk is that? When we had nothing, didn’t I live here with you without a single complaint? But now that we can afford it, shouldn’t we actively try to improve our situation? Even if it’s just for Jinjin, we should have a home of our own. The spaciousness of our living environment and the amount of interaction with our parents all shape a child’s personality and intellectual development. Besides, what’s this talk of ‘your parents’ and ‘my parents’? You’re an only child, and I’m an only child—our marriage is, in fact, the union of two families. If my parents want us—and want Jinjin—to have a better life, what reason do you have to refuse?” After saying this, I turned my back on him. That beautiful dream I’d woven entirely on my own hadn’t even had a chance to be shattered by my father or by reality before Liu Yiyang had already twisted it into something entirely different. “Maybe you’re right about all that, but my male pride is still getting in the way.” Compared to me, Liu Yiyang wasn’t exactly a skilled debater, but he was stubborn and hard to persuade: “Jiaqian, let me think it over.” I remained with my back to Liu Yiyang, my eyes growing heavier and heavier, barely able to hold back the tears that were growing heavier by the moment. This wasn’t how I’d envisioned the scene. I’d thought Liu Yiyang would be on the same page as me, chuckling as we speculated about my dad’s intentions, discussing how to calculate and pay for the house, and ideally even debating the color of the flooring and the wallpaper patterns, then finding time to pick out a set of eco-friendly solid wood furniture for Jinjin. Unfortunately, all of that fell victim to that so-called male pride. “All right, Jiaqian,” Liu Yiyang wrapped his arm around my shoulders from behind and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Let’s not let this get between us. You said yourself, this is all just your guess—maybe Dad doesn’t even plan to do that.” I turned to face him. “Then let me make this clear: if my dad really does plan to do that, I won’t let you stand in the way.” “All right, all right, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Liu Yiyang pulled me into his arms, brushing me off. I knew he was just brushing me off. It seemed that every time we disagreed, on the surface I always had the upper hand and he conceded defeat, yet as time went on, the situation would often turn out quite differently from what I’d imagined. This time, I could let his evasiveness slide, but in the end, I was determined to stand my ground. The next day, as soon as I arrived at Shuoyuan, before my hand even touched the doorknob, Wei Guoning yanked me toward the stairwell. I dare say that if he’d applied just a fraction more force, at least one of my heels would have snapped. “What’s going on? What’s the rush? Sneaking around like this—what are you up to?” I planted my feet firmly and smoothed out the creases in my shirt that Wei Guoning had wrinkled. “Tong Jiaqian, you’ve got to help me this time.” Beads of sweat the size of peas were popping out on Wei Guoning’s forehead, one after another like bamboo shoots after a spring rain. “What? Is Tracy blaming you guys for not being able to sell those bottles and jars? There’s nothing I can do about that. I’ve thought of everything I could, written everything I could. As someone who’s always emphasized a scientific approach, I even used terms like ‘family heirloom’ this time. I’ve truly run out of ideas.” I pulled a pack of tissues from my bag and handed it to Wei Guoning to wipe his sweat. “No, it’s not Tracy’s fault.” Wei Guoning took the tissues but didn’t bother to wipe his sweat; he just clutched them in his hand. “No, wait—it is her fault.” “What on earth is going on?” I was curious too. “Lin Lei is here.” Wei Guoning’s answer was so simple, so straightforward. “Lin Lei?” The name was common enough, and sounded familiar: “The one from your hometown?” “Yeah, that’s her. “She came to Beijing yesterday without telling me a word, and she even tracked down where I was staying. She said she wanted to give me a surprise, but in the end… in the end, I was the one who surprised her.” “Oh? Tell me more.” That word “surprise” really held a hidden meaning. That day, when Chen Jiaojiao went to find Cui Bin for dinner, intending to surprise him, she ended up surprising Cui Bin—who was in the middle of a blind date—instead. “There’s a pair of women’s stockings in my bathroom.” “That’s easy to fix. Just say you bought them for her.” “Tong Jiaqian, can’t you use your brain for once? If they were new stockings, who would leave them in the bathroom? And if your husband pointed to a pair of worn stockings and claimed he bought them for you, would you accept that?” “If he dares,” I exploded in a fit of rage, “I’ll break his legs.” “See, that’s the right attitude. But Lin Lei is different from you. She’s soft-hearted—she won’t yell or hit you, she’ll just cry.” Wei Guoning’s sweat began to drip: “But that’s exactly what I can’t stand.” “So those stockings belong to Tracy?” “Who else could they be?” “That habit of hers is really a pain. She loves taking off her shoes and stockings the moment she walks in the door, but why can’t she remember to put them all back on before she leaves?” “There’s more than just this one pair of hers at my place. Oh, come on, things have already come to this—why are you bringing up this useless stuff with me?” “So what are you planning to do about it? From the sound of it, it seems you still love Lin Lei very much.” It’s not scary when a man cheats; what’s scary is that he isn’t afraid of you catching him. As long as he’s afraid, it means you still have a hold on him. “I’ve always loved her—I loved her before, I love her now, and I’ll love her forever.” Hearing those words of “love” come from the mouth of the tall, burly Wei Guoning instantly softened his image—it was the true embodiment of a tough guy with a tender side. “Then why not just come clean to her? Tell her you did this for a Beijing household registration, for a promotion, for money, to buy a house and settle down in Beijing as soon as possible, and to marry her so she can live a good life.” ” All of this, Wei Guoning revealed to me bit by bit, in his own words. “No, absolutely not.” Wei Guoning was adamant: “I am a man, and I have a man’s pride. You might find it laughable if I said that—think I’m all talk and no action—but that’s just who I am. I’d rather have the whole world look down on me than fail to be a real man in front of Lin Lei.” Pride again—a man’s pride. Liu Yiyang could be his true self in front of me, but he had to maintain his pride in front of my family and friends. Wei Guoning, on the other hand, was the exact opposite: he was willing to sell his youthful body to a woman far older than him just to project a proud, masculine image in the eyes of the woman he loved. It was all because of a man’s pride. “I won’t laugh at you, because this very thing—a man’s pride—is what’s troubling me.” “So, Tong Jiaqian, you have to help me.” Wei Guoning was in too deep to worry about my troubles. “What do you want me to do?” “Come with me to see Lin Lei and admit those socks are yours.” “Me? Admitting that will get you out of this? Don’t you think I, Tong Jiaqian, am worth other women caring about?” “No, that’s not what I meant. I was thinking you could make up an excuse—say, that you had a fight with your husband, ran away from home, and are staying at my place, or that your husband was unfaithful to you, so you deliberately used me to get back at him, set everything up at my place, and then lured him over to see it.” “Hey, Wei Guoning, just because you’re in trouble doesn’t mean you have to curse me like this, does it? Besides, do you really think Lin Lei would believe anything other than a fight or infidelity? Her life is so simple, her mind so innocent—she wouldn’t believe that relationships between men and women could be so complicated or so ugly.” “Right, you’re right. She is innocent; she just doesn’t believe I’d do anything to hurt her. So as long as we give her an explanation, she’ll believe it—because she wants to believe it.” “So you’re going to spin your own scandal into a scandal involving me and my husband?” “Tong Jiaqian, consider this a debt I owe you.” Wei Guoning bowed to me with such deference that I stumbled backward in shock. This gesture fully revealed the deep-rooted innocence in his very being—a stark contrast to the various deeds he and Tracy had committed. Humans are such contradictory creatures; innate and acquired traits constantly clash within us, round after round, with no clear winner in sight. Tracy was in high spirits this morning because Shuoyuan had secured a major order, selling a large batch of bedding manufactured in Taiwan. Although the order was secured by Salesperson A, the other members of the sales team—B, C, D, and so on—would all receive a bonus. While not as generous as A’s, it was certainly better than nothing. This was a long-standing practice at Shuoyuan; as Tracy put it, it was meant to foster team unity and prevent infighting. To foster greater unity and harmony within the team, Tracy would habitually treat the staff to desserts, coffee, or milk tea after a major order was signed. These small gestures of kindness were enough to put a smile on everyone’s face across the company. Today, just as the whole company was in high spirits, Wei Guoning was hiding alone at the stairwell, calling Lin Lei to ask her to come out for lunch—with him, and with me as well. At that moment, I particularly admired Lin Lei’s temperament. If it were me, having found a pair of stockings in Liu Yiyang’s possession, forget about listening to his call—I wouldn’t have considered it a mercy if I hadn’t stuffed those stockings in his mouth and taped them shut. And just as Wei Guoning was fidgeting nervously, scratching his head and tugging at his hair, Tracy right in front of me was sharing fragrant egg tarts with her staff. She was radiant, her laughter ringing out, exuding a youthful vitality that perfectly matched her outfit, seemingly oblivious to her young lover’s misfortune the day before. Wei Guoning had said, “Tracy doesn’t know Lin Lei exists.” “Hmm, she really doesn’t need to know,” I’d replied at the time. “She told me she doesn’t want me to have other women,” Wei Guoning had said then. To be honest, I hadn’t expected Tracy to have such “hopes” for Wei Guoning. I hadn’t expected that in what I saw as essentially a transactional relationship, there would be such an unreasonable demand for “loyalty.” So if today, Tracy were to learn of Lin Lei’s existence—to discover that her young lover was so deeply in love with another woman, one so innocent she was almost naive—what would she think? Would she feel jealous, or would her possessiveness flare up? And if she were to discover that she had meddled between that couple with a pair of stockings as thin as cicada wings, would she feel guilty, or would she chuckle to herself until her jaw cramped? At noon, Wei Guoning and I waited for Lin Lei at a fast-food restaurant near the office. This place catered specifically to office workers like us, selling set meals that at least looked hygienic. They claimed to include side dishes and black tea for free, but in reality, the cost was already factored into the price. Everyone loved the pork and beef here, but the “daily specials” were almost always chicken or fish. It’s not hard to see that only subpar items go on special—that’s a universal truth. Another truth is that once something is on special, even though you know it’s not good, you still can’t resist buying it to satisfy that psychological urge to get a bargain. Today, I ordered the chicken curry rice for what must have been the hundred-and-first time. I probably wouldn’t have the heart to savor it anyway, so as long as it filled me up, that was enough. The moment Lin Lei walked through the door, I knew she was the one. She wore her hair in a long ponytail that nearly reached her waist. Her forehead was smooth and clear, with no bangs, no bumps, and no pockmarks. Her eyes were beautiful, with bright black pupils, and her eyelashes were so thick that at first I thought she was wearing makeup. It wasn’t until she actually sat down in front of me that I realized there wasn’t a single trace of chemicals on this woman’s face. On her face, only her eyes stood out; the rest—her eyebrows were too faint, her nose too ordinary, and her mouth too large. Lin Lei was tall, around 5’7”, but she wasn’t slender—at least, she was two or three sizes more robust than the beauties in this city. Yet this made her and Wei Guoning a particularly well-matched pair, so it didn’t look like an eagle snatching a chick. Lin Lei was almost exactly as I had imagined her: a woman who was ordinary precisely because she was all-natural—no artificial enhancements, no city-slicker affectations. Her face, filled with bewilderment and loneliness, was a perfect reflection of the turmoil and solitude within her heart. Unlike us city folk, whose bewilderment is meant to appear innocent and whose loneliness is meant to lure others closer. Wei Guoning hurriedly straightened up and walked to the door, bumping into the neighboring table without even noticing, forcing me to nod and bow apologetically on his behalf. Wei Guoning brought Lin Lei over to me. I noticed that he tried to take her hand, but she quietly pulled away. “This is Tong Jiaqian, our company’s copywriter,” Wei Guoning formally introduced me to Lin Lei. I held out my hand: “Hello.” Lin Lei shook my hand stiffly. It was clear she wasn’t used to meeting strangers, let alone the universal custom of handshakes. To be honest, I don’t like handshakes either—who knows what the other person’s hand had been touching just before meeting you. “Let’s just have the braised spare ribs with rice, okay? The ribs here are the best. I’ll order an extra portion for you.” Wei Guoning’s words gave me goosebumps all over. With a build like his, he really wasn’t cut out for this whole “tender and affectionate” act. “Mm-hmm.” Lin Lei nodded, speaking sparingly—not out of reserve or arrogance, but simply because she felt awkward. I shoveled a few mouthfuls of rice into my mouth, gulped down a few sips of tea, then wiped my mouth and cut straight to the chase with Lin Lei: “Those socks at Wei Guoning’s place—they’re mine. But please believe me, we’re nothing more than colleagues and ordinary friends.” I said that last part with complete conviction, because it was, after all, the truth: “Here’s what happened with those socks. The day before yesterday, my husband and I had a fight. He hit me, so in a fit of anger, I ran out of the house. Later, I ran into Wei Guoning on the street. I was in a terrible mood, so I asked him to go out for a drink with me.” At this point, I swallowed hard. Lying isn’t easy; the more I lied, the drier my mouth grew: “Wei Guoning has always been a loyal friend, so he went with me. I ended up getting drunk, so he let me stay at his place for the night while he slept at the office. The next day, I was so dizzy that I accidentally left my socks there.” After spouting off that whole spiel, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Actually, come to think of it, that whole story was so unbelievable it was practically worthless. If it had been Liu Yiyang showing up with a woman to ramble on like that to me, I might have slapped them both across the face and stormed off. Bumped into her on the street? With over a billion people in China, how on earth did just the two of you happen to run into each other? Went out drinking with her? Don’t you know that people tend to lose their inhibitions when they’re drunk? Do you have any idea what “prevention is better than cure” means? Letting her stay at your place? If you couldn’t take her home, couldn’t you at least have sent her to a hotel? Forgot to put on socks? Pfft, doesn’t it feel uncomfortable wearing shoes without socks? But I am me, and Lin Lei is Lin Lei. I watched as a look of relief spread across her lips. Wei Guoning was right—deep down, she’d been waiting for him to offer an explanation. No matter how absurd or full of holes that explanation might be, she would believe it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so selfish yesterday.” Lin Lei gazed at Wei Guoning with tender eyes. What a noble woman, willing to endure such humiliation. A man cheats on her, yet she has to apologize to him. She gets hurt, cries, acts impulsively, runs away—and for a while, she doesn’t want to see him or hear his excuses. All these behaviors are collectively called “selfishness.” I immediately patted Wei Guoning on the shoulder: “Cherish her.” Then, leaving behind the unpalatable chicken curry rice, I was the first to leave. If I stayed any longer, I’d be nothing more than a glaring third wheel. What I said to Wei Guoning came from the bottom of my heart. As urbanization accelerates, people from mountain valleys are leaving their valleys, and people from the countryside are leaving their villages. Everyone is being subtly shaped by the atmosphere of modern civilization. The benefits of this are countless—no need for me to elaborate—but the side effect is that it’s driving simple, unpretentious women like Lin Lei to the brink of extinction. Everyone knows to protect rare plants and animals, yet they often overlook a certain human quality that is becoming increasingly rare. I can almost guarantee that if the day ever comes when Lin Lei realizes Wei Guoning’s “shortcut” to promotion and wealth, then her innocent star will not be far from falling. I truly do not want to see that day come. As I walked out of the fast-food restaurant, I glanced back one last time. Through the glass window, I just caught sight of the waiter bringing Lin Lei her braised spare ribs—a set meal, plus an extra serving of ribs. She picked up her chopsticks and dug in with gusto. This woman truly didn’t belong in the city. The willowy beauties of the city were all like Chen Jiaojiao—they feared red meat, starchy foods, and fried dishes as much as they feared rats and cockroaches. And Wei Guoning didn’t need Lin Lei to belong in the city; just watching her eat with such relish was enough to satisfy him. Just then, it suddenly dawned on me: Wei Guoning was truly, utterly foolish. His woman probably didn’t need to put down roots in Beijing at all; she didn’t need luxury cars or mansions. In that case, all of Wei Guoning’s current struggles and endurance became pointless, misguided, and without principle. His betrayal of himself was, in fact, merely to satisfy his own pride and desires. That Lin Lei—the Lin Lei who lived with him in the same county town, the Lin Lei he had adored for over a decade, the Lin Lei who was currently working diligently at the county savings office, the Lin Lei waiting for him to come and marry her, the Lin Lei who trusted him unconditionally and was satisfied with a plate of braised spare ribs costing just over ten yuan—was, in reality, nothing more than a pretext for his pursuit of material wealth.